A few days ago I hit my rock bottom, health wise.
I am aware I’m about 20kg overweight.
I am aware I have no core strength.
I am aware the arches in my feet are collapsing and need attention.
I am aware I need to improve my diet.
I am aware that the last disc in my spine is degenerated, dehydrated and arthritic.
Yet what have I been doing about it? Jack squat. Nada. Zilch.
Until three days ago.
I was helping my husband bring down a tree. He was on the chainsaw and I was on the end of a piece of rope. I was hoping to pull the falling branch over our way to prevent it falling onto the neighbours hedge.
The branch began falling away from me, the rope caught it but I wasn’t prepared for how heavy it was and my back gave way.
I hobbled into the house and gingerly fell into my bed in a flood of tears. I felt useless. I felt like a burden. I felt like I was 85 years old, not 35. I couldn’t even help in the garden.
And then during the night it got worse. I had a coughing attack which I couldn’t stop. Each cough felt like a knife was on fire and stabbing me in the back.
The pain was unbearable. I was in incredible pain just lying still, I couldn’t get comfortable. I couldn’t even more. It was terrifying.
The tears were flowing fast as were the negative thoughts. I told hubby I could see how people with chronic pain choose to end their lives.
When you’re in that much pain, nothing else exists. It clouds and blocks out all happiness, calm, positivity.
Eventually, with time, rest, chiropractic care and drugs, the pain lessened dramatically. I can function and appreciate the beauty in the world.
This flare up was the wake up call I needed. I need to put my health above everything else. Even my children. Because if my health is non-existent then I can’t be there for my boys. I can’t be a Mum from my bed. It just doesn’t work.
So from this day forth, my health will be tackled on a daily basis. I need to do all I can to protect my spine as of I don’t, the last option available to me is surgery. And the thought of that makes me want to run away and hide.
Daily walking. No shitty food. More fruit and veg. Positive thoughts. And support from friends and family. A dear friend who suffers from daily chronic pain has been a real help these past few days. She lives through this and has tools which help her get through her days, sometimes even hours.
I feel blessed she is in my life. Thank you for your help and advice my dear friend!
So the only way to go from rock bottom is up. Onwards and upwards. Time to protect my back, my mind and my heart.
Healthy mumma. Strong mumma. Happy mumma.
(The photo was taken right after the tree fell)