I recently went to see the ballet with a friend (let’s call her Beth). While waiting for the performance to start she got a text message from another lovely lady (let’s call her Belle) who had a dream.
In this dream I had called Belle on the phone. She could barely hear me because there were loads of people trying to get her attention while she was trying to talk to me. She felt like she was being pulled apart, except that was the feeling she was getting from me.
In the dream Belle said I was really overwhelmed with everything… boys, life, jobs. Just too many things to do.
And in her dreams she feels what the person was feeling. She woke up feeling overwhelmed and torn and she said it wasn’t a nice feeling.
As Beth was telling me this dream, in the theatre, tears welled in my eyes. I realised that was exactly how I am feeling a lot of the time. I’m just way too busy to notice it.
My brain is always split a minimum of four ways. Usually more. I need to make sure all my boys are getting the right amount of love, care, discipline and attention that’s right for their age and stage.
I need to make sure the household is running smoothly. Sometimes this works. Often it doesn’t! Weetbix is acceptable for dinner right?!
Hubby and I need to make sure we make time for eachother. And have at least one proper hug each day. Hugs are healing and bring us closer.
Then there’s the dog, friends, other family members… The list goes on.
Belle said that I need to remember that I’m a capable and competent woman who can do this. And that its ok to feel the way I’m feeling and to ask for help when I need it. She said sometimes people don’t realise the ‘alpha female’ needs a bit of love too.
Sometimes there are people who want to see the negatives in me. I don’t have time or energy for that. I have learned that I can’t change people. I know I’m a good person. I’m trying to be the best mother to my boys that I know how to be.
I’m striving to be the best version of myself. I want my boys to grow up respecting their parents and go out into the world with strength, compassion, humility, pride in themselves and the ability create a wonderful life for themselves.
Yes, sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. Sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day. (Right now I’m writing this piece while holding Leo, who I have finally settled in my arms.)
But I know I have a handful of beautiful friends, my amazing mothers group gals and of course hubby and my mum, to call on when I need them. No judgement. No questions. No excuses.
If you are also an ‘alpha female’ who is trying to do everything for everyone, please stop for five minutes. Take a second to focus on you and how you are actually feeling. You are a person, not a mother machine who must keep going at all costs.