You can’t explain how you can love and despise your child all at the same time.
You can’t explain how time now has a different meaning. It’s the time between feeds, or sleeps or how long the baby feeds and sleeps for.
It’s catching a few hours of precious sleep or trying to fit three loads of washing, swimming lessons, making dinner, playing with the kids, changing the sheets, vacuuming the floor and having one third of a cup of tea into the six hours between school drop off a pick up, all on four hours broken sleep.
You can’t explain the utter and complete exhaustion. How your muscles protest at having to drag yourself out of bed yet again. How you can’t think of a very simple work like ‘door’.
How your brain is so foggy and vague you wonder how you managed to complete a university degree.
You can’t explain the crystal, utter, painful love you have for your minature human. How you can see yourself reflected in their eyes and wonder how this little life came into your possession.
You can’t explain how these mini humans are always at the forefront of your mind. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing. They always come first.
You try to explain the mess that never seems to go away. But you give up pretty quick as you realise you don’t need to defend and justify. You just spend more time engaging with the kids rather than cleaning. All. The. Time.
In the end, Before Children and After Children are two very different worlds and you can’t really explain the difference.