So today I’m focussing on positivity. It can quickly become a slippery slope into negativity and depression for me and I just want to hide away. So I’m turning that negativity into gratitude and joy.
There are often moments where I look at my boys and I feel physical pain because I love them so much. They will say something or do something or pull a face or simply be asleep (bliss!!!!) and I am overcome with so much love that my heart hurts.
Most of the time I’m refereeing fights, cleaning pee off the floor (for the fourth time before midday), encouraging them to play naked to save washing, making yet another plate of food or hiding in my bedroom to breathe deeply so I don’t throw that little blue chair through the glass door.
But when I step back and remove myself from the heat of the moment, I realise how bloody blessed I really am. I have four sons. Not two or three but actually four. I never thought my life would be Katey, mother of four. (There are times when I feel like Katey, Mother of Dragons though!!). And four of a kind too!! It’s pretty damn awesome.
Sometimes I feel left out from life with friends without kids. I’m at home on a Saturday night, too shattered to do the washing up let alone go out for a night on the town.
But then I make myself look around my little, messy house I and truly appreciate what I have. I have a family. A family of six!! I have a husband who loves me. There are four humans who live here who grew inside me, three were pushed out my lady parts and one through the sunroof.
These four humans completely and unconditionally love me. They want to show me things and bring me flowers and tell me very important things (especially once bedtime comes) and give me kisses and cuddles. And then my heart hurts with love for them.
Some days I feel like getting in the car, alone, and driving very far away. But I’d never do it as I’m their mum. And kids need their mum. I need to get over myself and pull my big girl pants up. So I give myself five minutes in an empty room, a bit of chocolate, and carry on with my day.
Realisation and appreciation for what you have make you see that there is so much in this weird world that has the capacity to make you truly happy. The negative, crappy stuff can bugger off!