I suffered from Post Natal Depression (PND) following the birth of my first child. The birth itself was traumatic and ended in an emergency Caesarian under a general anaesthetic. I was unsuccessful with breastfeeding and bonding with the baby was difficult. The combination of this plus possibly a predisposition for depression meant that my mind was a mess. 
I was telling myself that I wasn’t a proper mother because I didn’t birth or feed my baby the natural way ‘you’re supposed to’. Because he was on bottles I thought that he didn’t even need me as anyone could feed him. I was useless.
Every night before I went to bed I would replay the birth in my head. Every. Single. Night. When his first birthday loomed I decided to seek professional help. I realised this wasn’t normal and I needed to speak to someone. 
I saw a psychologist a few times which helped, as did writing down the birth story. Once it was on paper it was out of my head and I felt I didn’t need to keep thinking about it. 
The was a time after the birth of my third child where I just wanted to run away. Perhaps I was in denial that I was now a mother of three and wanted to remember who I was pre-children. Who knows. Maybe the PND never went away? 
I am now three months post natal with my fourth (and final!!) child. I have moments where I think dark thoughts and don’t feel myself. Maybe it’s sleep deprivation messing with my head. Maybe it’s PND. Maybe it’s the hormones rebalancing. But at least I can now recognise what’s going on and am open to seeking help if I need it. 
If you bust your arm you go to the doctor to get it seen to. Your mind is the same. If it’s not working properly, go and get some help. 
Mental health needs to be spoken about in an open forum and not shrouded in taboo and silence.