​Birth pretty much never goes to plan. Women prepare birth plans to have their dream birth experience. However the baby has not read this plan and usually has his or her own ideas on being born.  And when the birth plan goes out the window and shit gets real, some women are left trying to deal with Birth Trauma.
Birth trauma is the psychological and emotional impact on the mother or father following the birth of the baby. It is a very real condition and probably affects more women than we know about because of the stigma surrounding it. Mums, especially new mums, are expected to be joyful and deliriously happy following the birth of their their darling child. Of course most mums are happy and grateful to be holding their baby in their arms, as some mothers are not so lucky. 
However our body and mind has gone through something extremely traumatic and this must be acknowledged and spoken about. The mother must not be made to feel guilty for wanting to debrief and explore what just happened to her and she should not be made to feel like her feelings should be dismissed simply because the baby arrived safely.
My first birth was a traumatic one and this, combined with not being able to breastfeed,  pushed me into Post Natal Depression. My pregnancy was pretty much trouble free and I went into spontaneous  labour two days past my due date. We were excited to meet our first born! My only birth plan was to go into hospital, have an epidural and push out a baby!
Things didn’t go to plan though. The baby was in the posterior position which meant that the labour was much more difficult.  The epidural I had didn’t work properly so by the time I was 10cm dilated, the epidural wasn’t working at all, the baby had passed his first poo inside me and his heartrate was dropping. He was stuck in the birth canal. Off we went for an emergency caesarian. But then, as the doctor started the operation, i could feel it. So they put me under a general anaesthetic. 
I woke up not pregnant anymore but without  my baby. I didn’t  know what I had, I didn’t  know where my husband was. It was horrid. I had not seen my baby be born, I did not have skin to skin contact for over a day. Two hours after the operation I was wheeled into z room and saw my hubby holding my baby. But how did I know he was mine? I didn’t see him come out of me. 
After two days struggling with intense pain of breastfeeding I decided to bottle feed. The guilt of this and not birthing the ‘natural’ way pushed me into a depression. I didn’t  realise I had been suffering from birth trauma or PND until my son’s first birthday. I realised that I was going over the birth every single njght before I went to bed, and that surely that wasn’t normal. I went to the community nurse who referred me to a psychologist. I saw her twice, but shat really worked for me was writing everything down. I felt much lighter 6 it was all on paper and  not floating around in my head.
I feel that if I had a proper debrief following the birth and support for my mental health during this time, I may not have suffered as I did. Please, if you or anyone you know has been through a traumatic birth, make sure you get all the help you need. It so important. If you break an arm you get it seen to right? The same goes for the mind. Happy mum, happy bub!!